Official Resolution #1: I will daydream more.

I fell into the habit of thinking I was lonely as a kid because I was usually alone. The thing is, I wasn't lonely. Ever. I had plenty of company in my stories, whether I was thinking them out in my head, or playing them out physically, or even--clumsily--writing them out. My first story was about a girl with no voice who must, nevertheless, save the world from evil. I found my voice while she overcame her own silence.

Through middle school and high school my stories matured, but they were still as vivid and vital as ever, taking over my thoughts. I'm relatively certain they're what kept the anxiety at bay for so long.

I had my iPod on shuffle tonight while working on my Faulkner paper for American Lit, and, right in a row, three of my old favorites came on--the Backstreet Boys, John Mayer, and Snow Patrol. (Yes, I know the latter two are still performing, but these were from old albums.) All three were songs I used to listen to on repeat on my Walkman, working through a scene. I felt fiercely homesick for the simple joy of creating a story for myself.

I need to daydream more. I think it'll be good for me.

It's been a week for nostalgia.

As you may or may not know, my laptop--the dearly departed Gunter, may he rest in peace--left this plane of existence on December the 24th. This was a pretty cruel trick of fate, actually; he'd had his harddrive replaced in late October, and that rather expensive operation was supposed to be my Christmas gift. Luckily, I have the awesomest parents ever, and they deduced (as I had) that being an English major without regular access to Microsoft Word doesn't work very well. Thus, my pretty Satellite.

While I backed up my music about a month before Gunter's last breath, it was in a really abysmal state of disarray. Broken links, duplicates, duplicates that were broken links--it was bad. Thus, I'm fixing up Satellite's iTunes by hand. Which meant (after transferring purchases over) burning all my CDs by hand.

A lot of my old stuff is back at home and safely packed away, but I'd tossed a few poorly labeled mixes into my CD case before heading back. I listened through them while burning the 40+ CDs last night. Man, there was some good stuff in there! I'd forgotten how into Creed I was (okay, so, that's not so good--but it did really take me back), and that one song by Yellowcard I loved. Avril Lavigne, the Backstreet Boys, Sarah McLachlan, The Corrs, Santana, the Lord of the Rings soundtracks--I had truly eclectic taste. And while most of it is pretty banal (and/or pretty bad), it's still fun listening to the soundtrack of my formative years.


On another quasi-nostalgic note: going up to the 13th floor tonight to--for the second night in a row--watch iCarly with Stef. It's not good so much as amusing, in the vaguely wholesome, silly, simple way that Nickelodeon always was. It doesn't put stock in subtlety or subtexts, and that's kind of a relief, with all the reading I've been doing for my major lately.

And did I mention it's silly? Silly is not to be underrated. It can save lives.