open your eyes

Official Resolution #1: I will daydream more.

I fell into the habit of thinking I was lonely as a kid because I was usually alone. The thing is, I wasn't lonely. Ever. I had plenty of company in my stories, whether I was thinking them out in my head, or playing them out physically, or even--clumsily--writing them out. My first story was about a girl with no voice who must, nevertheless, save the world from evil. I found my voice while she overcame her own silence.

Through middle school and high school my stories matured, but they were still as vivid and vital as ever, taking over my thoughts. I'm relatively certain they're what kept the anxiety at bay for so long.

I had my iPod on shuffle tonight while working on my Faulkner paper for American Lit, and, right in a row, three of my old favorites came on--the Backstreet Boys, John Mayer, and Snow Patrol. (Yes, I know the latter two are still performing, but these were from old albums.) All three were songs I used to listen to on repeat on my Walkman, working through a scene. I felt fiercely homesick for the simple joy of creating a story for myself.

I need to daydream more. I think it'll be good for me.