I try not to inflict the psych-talk on people who aren't related and therefore obliged to still love me despite the neuroses, but I feel the urge to share right now, so. I will.
I've hit another low point. Not nearly as bad as it was freshman year, not at all. But it's the worst I've been since then. The anxiety is back, and with it, the depression. Of course, all of this only feeds into (and is, in turn, fed by) the ocular migraines I've been having, which also trigger my newly diagnosed Sensory Processing Disorder (otherwise known as Sensory Integration Dysfunction). The good news is, I've seen all my doctors, and I've got everything I need--a fresh prescription of klonopin, a hearty dose of Prozac, and a whole army of vitamins and supplements (Vitamin C, Vitamin D, calcium, Omega-3, and Vitamin B-Complex).
Still, the agoraphobia is there. I try to face it down, but it almost won last time. It didn't, but it was a close contest, so it's frightening. But it's going to be okay, because I'm even more determined this time. I did win last time, even if it was by a hair, and the last eighteen months were... wonderful. I have never in my life felt that good. And I'm going to feel that way again.
Plus I've got a whole slew of new tools. One is prompts that my parents can use if I call them in a panic. Another is the weekly therapy, which I wasn't doing before. I also have a few truly amazing friends at school who I know I can always count on--I'm not as alone as I was freshman year. And I've got goals to keep in mind when I feel like I'm too tired to go on. These include:
- Blowing my Honors Thesis out of the water.
- Going to California within the next two years to see Dono and Tiff and 'Rina and Bek. <3 style="text-align: center;">::::::::::
AND! HOT TIP! In case you didn't know, you can download free tracks from Amazon.com. Not all of them are great, but there are a few pleasant surprises in there. Instructions:
- Go to Amazon.com.
- Choose 'Digital Downloads' from the sidebar, and in the list that pops up, 'MP3 Downloads.'
- In the search bar at the top, choose 'MP3 Songs,' and hit 'Go.'
- Knock yourself out!
3 comments:
I love that you have now put "panic disorder" as a tag
I might as well, lol
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